DISCOVER WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM OTHERS ABOUT MIDLIFE TRANSITIONS
As you read the other pages of this website you should have gathered that it is essential to have the support of a life coach and a group if you want to make the most of your midlife transitions.
There are also a number of books and articles rich with information, inspiration and insights. You can learn what others have done. There are absorbing stories that run the gamut of life experiences; studies, formal and informal, that have focused on midlife; information that some wise observers and participants of this passage have provided.
I can help you find the ones that apply specifically to your situation if you’d like.
BOOKS ON MIDLIFE FOR WOMEN
for my next act…Women Scripting Life After Fifty by Karen Baar. “One week after my fiftieth birthday, my husband left me. We’d been together all of my adult life—nearly thirty years.” Karen begins her book with that revelation. Reflecting her background in women’s health and activism, author and educator Karen Baar interweaves research and information from relevant experts on the subject, her own stories and interviews with 36 women in their fifties. For example: “Studies published from the 1970s through the present suggest that we feel stronger, more confident, and better about ourselves. We know what we want, and we’re ready to go after it…I no longer view our fifties as a period of loss. Rather, it’s a positive time, when we can rediscover, reclaim, redefine, or even recreate ourselves.”
Another hopeful finding: “In a 1997 survey by the North American Menopause Society, more than half of American women aged forty-five to sixty viewed menopause as the beginning of a new and fulfilling stage of life.” She covers it all: divorce, widowhood, dating, nest emptying and not quite emptying, career concerns, friendships, menopause, aging parents, death, spirituality.
Women in Career and Life Transitions by Sandy Anderson, MBA, PhD. This resource guide for women in career transitions touches on the psychological, for example in sections on “emotional check-in,” “finding your passion,” “mastering change”. It also includes the very practical such as “choosing a suitable work arrangement,” “creating winning resumes and cover letters”. She includes personal story segments throughout the book as well as a collection at the end of women sharing their experiences. Her recommended resources include many books, articles, websites, agencies, organizations, etc. that are relevant to this topic.
Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood by Suzanne Braun Levine. Journalist and first editor of Ms. Magazine, Suzanne labels the themes for her book: “Getting to what matters: letting go and saying no,” “Finding out what works: recalibrating your life,” and “Moving on to what’s next: making peace and taking charge.” Included is her own story, the latest research, and the voices of many women in their second adulthood. Eve Ensler (of Vagina Monologues) writes: “Suzanne Braun Levine made me understand why I always envied older women. As she clearly and carefully reveals, life just gets better—more outrageous, more radical, more passionate, less fraught, wiser, deeper and kinder. No grudges, no waiting, no bleeding, no apologies.”
The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today’s Women by Sue Shellenbarger. Sue, columnist of “Work & Family” for the Wall Street Journal, writes about her own midlife crisis and her study of the 50 midlife women she interviewed in depth. The message underlying the stories of the crisis is the same: crisis comes because “you are on a path to a place you do not want to go.” Her findings are organized in terms of themes or archetypes: patterns that she saw common in the lives she studied: Adventurer, Lover, Leader, Artist, Gardener, Seeker. Every woman who made big changes reported that “their only regrets were in failing to start sooner or to take more chances.”
GENERAL BOOKS ON MIDLIFE
AWAKENING AT MIDLIFE: Realizing Your Potential for Growth and Change by Kathleen A. Brehony. A Jungian-oriented psychotherapist has written an extraordinary and valuable book on midlife. I wish I could have written this one. She writes: “I hope that this book can be helpful as you experience the challenges of midlife. My purpose in writing it is not to pretend that it is possible to quickly and easily navigate through the difficulties of the midlife experience. The process of change is never quick or easy. Nor is this book intended to oversimplify the midlife transition or suggest that if you will only do such-and-such you will be just fine. Rather, I offer suggestions for strategies that can help you grow from the experiences of midlife and add to your awareness that this transition, in all its difficult moments, is the portal to a richer, more meaningful, more contented second half of your life. And while you are on an individual journey that is yours and yours alone, there is encouragement in knowing that others have gone before you. There is comfort in understanding what may be going on below the surface and how those forces may be manifesting themselves in your life. And there is empowerment in the realization that you are on the threshold of becoming the person you were born to be, a more authentic, deeply living, real human being.”
Once Upon a Midlife: Classic Stories and Mythic Tales to Illuminate the Middle Years by Allan B. Chinen, M.D. This is a delightful collection of “fairy tales” from many different cultures on midlife themes. Chinen comments on each tale with analysis and stories that are personal or from clients. He also includes observations that other experts have made on the many topics relevant to the midlife process. In his view the 2 nd journey that middle-aged individuals undertake is an inner one, i.e. “a pilgrimage to the unconscious.” He points to the liberating aspects of midlife: “Compared with the youthful spirit, the tragic perspective of midlife might seem depressive or dismal. But an acceptance of fate or luck in the middle years is actually liberating.” The collapse of the persona usually starts the midlife process: “Ideally, the person discovers a primordial source of new life deep within. It is this inner energy that is healing and renewing. For some individuals the deep inspiration involves contact with God, while others call the inner source love, the life force, mystery, or the immortal soul.”
TRANSITIONS: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges. This book is based on a view of personal development that “views transition as the natural process of disorientation and reorientation that marks the turning points of the path of growth.” Bridges uses his own experiences as well as the stories of his class of 25 who showed up for his seminar called “Being in Transition,” to distill the necessary elements of transitions. The first involves endings, that is, recognizing that there is loss as well as opportunities that need to be celebrated. The second is being in the “neutral zone” which can be frightening, disorientating, and feeling unproductive. Yet it is essential as part of the process of change. Finally there are beginnings that involve inner hints and perseverance despite doubts and confusion. Bridges stresses the need to take action and moving step by step in a new direction. He includes practical steps and suggestions for different stages in the process of change. In his epilogue, Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted: “Not in his goals but in his transitions man is great.”
Secrets of Becoming a Late Bloomer: Extraordinary Ordinary People on the Art of Staying Creative, Alive, and Aware in Mid-Life and Beyond by Connie Goldman and Richard Mahler. Richard Mahler makes this point about their book: it is not only for the older ages. They have collected stories of “older” people finding new ways of living their lives. Some of attitudes and characteristics that aid in blooming are the secret of attitude, the secret of forgiveness (of oneself) and the secret of many happy returns (returning to earlier dreams). They describe another secret, of creativity that is “taking a stance toward life that allows every act, no matter how mundane and familiar, to become fresh and interesting”. At the end of each chapter the authors have questions and exercises to help people explore and discover new aspects of their inner life.
GENERAL BOOKS OF WISDOM
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. The lives of many many people have changed as a result of understanding and applying the four agreements in everyday life. The four are: Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best. Don Miguel has distilled the wisdom of his Toltec tradition to guide us to freedom, transformation and happiness.
THE POWER OF NOW: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle. People buy this book because someone has told them about it. It is so clear, insightful and powerful that it became a bestseller just by word of mouth. Tolle addresses the puzzling questions about human life, clarifying what keeps us in pain and suffering, and instructs over and over again how being present is to be without problems, without pain. The present is where we find joy and completeness. As one of his reviewer writes: “There is power behind his words found only in the most celebrated of spiritual teachers. By living from the depths of this Greater Reality, Eckhart clears an energetic pathway for others to join him.”
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks (The Teachings of Abraham). These are the teachings of Abraham, the collective voice of loving wise spirits channeled by Esther Hicks. You can learn how to make your life better in all areas and how to be a creator of the life you want. Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations with God writes: “This is, plain and simply, one of the most powerful books that I have ever read. One’s entire life can change because of what is found here. And all given with such love! This book is a Life Treasure.”
OTHER WEBSITES CONTAINING INFORMATION ABOUT WOMEN IN MID LIFE
Non-profit organization : www.womansage.com “ WomanSage is is a non-profit, membership organization dedicated to educating, empowering and fostering mentoring relationships among women at midlife.” Rich resources of articles, books, archived presentations and more.
Online community: www.neatwomeninc.com/midlife.shtml “An online community for all women - especially women over 40, featuring daily features, forums, freebies and more!”
Retreats: www.womenspresence.com offers retreats for women to move from midlife transition to midlife transformation.
Power of the aging mind: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10753221/site/newsweek/ Article by a gerontologist and researcher who stresses the power of the aging mind.
Anti-aging and natural supplement information: aging and nutrition. www.myrevive.com/anneue
Menopause: www.power-surge.com focuses on women and menopause, offers weekly guest experts and many archived materials.
Article on boomer women: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/lifestyle/221275_midlife.html An article about boomer women “rewriting the midlife script”.
Article on work-family balance: www.careerjournal.com/columnists/workframily/20050408-workfamily.html The balance of career and family is addressed by Sue Shellenbarger in her column, Work and Family, in the Wall Street Journal.
Husband’s midlife crises: www.midlifeclub.com Devoted to support for women trying to survive their husband’s midlife crisis.
Menopause: www.midlifeandmenopause.co.uk A resource on menopause.
Sexuality: www.healthywomen.org/healthreport/april2005/pg1.html On the topic of sexuality and women in midlife.
Midlife pregnancy : www. midlifemom.com/ Information and support for midlife pregnancy.